Disclaimer: if you don't want to waste your time by reading this pathetic commentary (which has probably no benefits for you), you better stop it now ;-))Sometimes I have this feeling that I just fuck up everything I do. Not only things I should be good at, but the stuff i thought I was good at as well. I don't know how to relax, relieve from liability (even if it was for a while) and drive the tension out of me. The worst thing is that my mind is not full of nasty dirty words, but filled with the sense of resignation and sorrow. I want to be full of life again, to appreciate all the little things that makes this world beautiful, the only problem is just that i don't know how to...Maybe I need some impulse that would make me see my life different.
I just sit and feel sorry for myself, but this is definitely the worst thing I can do...They say that people are good at that, and we all have a great capacity for that...However, it's not the best cure for feeling down and lonely.
I tend to spend a lot of time on the phone with my parents lately. I have never thought that it can make me more happy, but it does. The fact that there are people who don't have parents makes me appreciate these conversations even more... Fortunately, by this point I'm very lucky guy. And what's more, I just basicly need to feel that somebody cares about me (not too much, even slight glimpse makes me more happy), otherwise I loose that sparkle in my eye and feel the same way I do now.
I wish I could go down to some seaside to sit, I really do. Pity that the nearest one is over 1000km far away :) I just love to rest on a sunset beach, feel the warmed up sand and hear the relaxing sound of the ocean :) So, if you have this oportunity, don't let it go and take it. I can only be jealous of you :)
But the activities that I do alone can't change the fact that I'm still alone. So, when time comes I plan to go out to public places and have some fun.
Easily said, hard to done... but it pays off...
